so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
