this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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