i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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