Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
