Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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