Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
