the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
