I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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