DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
