i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
