If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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