Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
