the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize