Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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