I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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