gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
