wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
