He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
