why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
