Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
