Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
