So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize