I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
