I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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