the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
