That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
