Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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