i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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