I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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