yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
