i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
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Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
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I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.