he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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