Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.