my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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