He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
A+ Viking dick
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
