I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
