Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
