Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
