I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
