also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My feet surprised me
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
