I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The struggles of a small town man whore
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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