i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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