I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
