Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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