my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
