It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
