don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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