the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
