Ambien. No doubt about it.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
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So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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