I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
