I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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