he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
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the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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