I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize