Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
