she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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