Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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