Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
