but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
