i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
